Of Gorgins and Moffins

November is mostly a beautiful month. In NW Montana we might still have falling leaves or a foot of snow to bring on an early winter. The colors of the morning and night skies are made of magic. Houses with wood stoves give the area a familiar smell, one of comfort and joy (comfort and joy!!). The social norms let me keep up Halloween decorations while starting to play some Christmas music. Let's be honest, most of my home decor would be considered Halloween decoration to most. November signifies a nostalgic transition from busy summer to cozy winter.

It also signifies loss and sadness, bittersweet moments of life and near-death experiences.

Ten years ago, on November 11th, I received a call from my once-and-forever Bossmanlady Christy. She asked a simple question. "Have you heard about Jess?" When I responded with a hesitant "no", she sighed. "Oh, Rachael." It was just the way she said it. I knew something was terribly wrong.

Let's back up a few years to my college days in good ol' Dillon. Jessica and I became fast friends over a rough draft paper for her Victorian Lit class. We started in the LACE (tutor) center together. She came over to the house one night. I used her purple pen (everyone knows Jess loves purple) to help make changes to her paper and our first phrase was born. "Purple squigglies" became a great catch-all phrase for editing and such. Later that year, we were walking to the Halloween dance together. I bent down to fix my stockings, muttering my annoyance. She heard something different. When I stood up, she asked "Gorgin?" We had a few moments of weird stares and different versions of Gorgin back and forth. When the confusion subsided, we decided we loved the word. It closely resembled Gorgon (of Medusa fame). Gorgin can mean many things...names, cries of frustration, etc. We used it for a number of years as a code word.

One night we were sitting in the tutor center late working on our own homework, and I mentioned my dinner. I had a muffin sitting across the room but was too tired to walk over to get it. She heard "Moffin." It became another in a long line of code words, almost like our own language. 

Over the years, we created names for the voice in our heads. Everyone has a voice or number of voices that make up a person's character. We started naming them after a strange conversation one day in the tutor center. My "voices" helped me get through my poetry thesis and helped me connect with the world. 

When Jess and her sister moved to Missoula to finish school, I remained in Dillon an extra year to work and figure out life. I had already graduated but wasn't quite ready to move out of the town I grew to love. Jessica's mother suddenly had an empty house and I was missing my friend. I moved in with Tejeanne and formed a great friendship. Looking back, I know we became housemates and friends for a reason. It all matters. 

I finally moved back up to Whitefish to work on the mountain. Jess and I talked on the phone constantly and we visited each other when we could. She was still working through school and had a job in Polson. So her schedule was hectic. Yet, we still found time to chat, even if the conversation ended with one or both of us falling asleep on the phone. She worked hard for her education. I remember making a joke one day about her language classes. She studied both Greek and Latin one semester and would jump between the tables during study hours. I always pictured it like the Romans battling the Greeks with Jess caught in the middle as a messenger or something. 

She was a role model, a inspiration, a good creature of the world if there ever was one. She made friends with everyone. My heart hurts knowing there are people in the world who didn't get to know her well.

On November 11, 2009, Jess was heading to Polson from Missoula to teach. The weather wasn't great. She hit a patch of ice and her car spun around into the oncoming lane. A car hit her from behind as she slid into the shoulder. Jess suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury.

"Oh, Rachael. Jessica is in the hospital. She was in a car accident. She is in a coma." Christy said.

So much information and misinformation followed that day. My mom came to Whitefish and we planned to drive to Missoula the next day. Much of those first couple of days is blurry. I met a bunch of her friends from all different corners of her world. We gathered at the hospital to talk to Jess in her coma, to comfort her mother, to take turns getting food and coffee. A handful of us from other towns spent a lot of time in the waiting room, putting together puzzles. A few years later when Jess had a bout of pneumonia, I visited the same hospital...the same floor. When I saw the waiting room, I collapsed in tears. That waiting room holds so much sadness and stress and story.

Jess came out of her coma with some memory loss and fog, to put it lightly. A brain injury will do that to a person. Jess and her mom have gone through a tough journey the last ten years. 

During one stint in the hospital to get surgery on her ankles, Jess was fairly lucid. They had to lower her pain medication to do the surgery. I remember walking into her room. I said, "Gorgin" as I always do to alert her I am in the room. She smiled and replied "Moffin." I cried. It was like hearing the old Jessica for the first time since the accident. Since then, I use it to help bring forward her memory of us. Gorgin. Moffin.

Jess and Tejeanne experienced some highs and many lows over the last ten years. I am grateful for her Mama Bear. She left her job, her home, her friends in Dillon to become Jessica's full time caregiver. While the warrior woman will never give up caring for her daughter, the role of caregiver and mother takes a toll. 

Jessica's birthday also happens to be later this month. While I have been going through all the moments with Jess, before and after the accident, I have also been thinking about a way to honor her.

With this website and knitting platform, I am able to reach other people in different ways. I want to use this site and my skills to pay it forward. If you know Jessica's story, please take a moment to send love to her and her Mama Bear.

In the month of November, I am running a discount. For every $50 spent you will receive a free pair of Fingerless Mittens. Use the code Gorgin19 at checkout.

Beyond that, for every $5 spent on orders, I will put a dollar toward a gift box for Jess and Tejeanne. For those of you who just want to throw some money to the cause without ordering a knitted creation, I created a Gift Box option. All the money in the Gift Box "order" will go towards a gift for Jess and Tejeanne. I am still working out all the details, so I am happy to take suggestions. I will probably send a few knitted items and other goodies. You can leave a note with your order to pass on to the ladies. You can also email me with notes and well-wishes to include in the box. If anybody has a special gift they want to send, I am happy to add it to the collection of gifts. Send me an email and we can work out the details.

Let's make November a time of comfort and joy for a special family. Gorgin. Moffin. Purple Squigglies.

Contact me at: storiedknits@gmail.com or write a comment and I will get back to you. Thank you all for the support!!